The Air Kiss needs reinstating.

You know professional situations right? You meet someone for the first time, you say, “Nice to meet you” and shake hands. When you leave, you say “It’s been a pleasure etc.” and shake hands. So why is it when you’re on a shoot you have to kiss everyone goodbye instead? I tried everything to avoid this, not because people were unpleasant, the opposite in fact, it’s just I’m so socially awkward that I just dread the moment.

 

I’m not sure why, but I think it’s the uncertainty of it all. If i just wave from a distance shouting “BYE!” whilst running in the opposite direction, does that look rude? You never know whether someone is going for the handshake, the wave, or the kiss. Or the worst thing ever: THE DOUBLE KISS. Just as you’re pulling away thinking “that went better than expected” they go in for another one on the other side, but you’re too far away now, and you’re not too sure whether you should move in again, or carry on the abort mission status you’re currently in. Then you end up in the awkward half hug situation that no one wants to be in.

 

I did have one non-work situation where a drunk person tried to conveniently ’miss’ my face and go for the full on face attack. This let me to the defensive “hands up in front” position (both hands in front of chest, palms out ladies), which allows a shove if necessary.  This unfortunately carried on into my professional life and led me to accidentally grab the man boob of a chef we were working with once, but that was his fault for going in for THE DOUBLE KISS. But he was french (and still is.)

 

In short you have to get up really close to someone you probably only met that morning. And it’s weird. I try my best to go for Hug-Only, as I think this is a great in between close, but not too close to my face for me to feel comfortable. And if I’m not in the mood I go for the blunt “I’m going to wave at you instead of sweating on you, and you should be grateful for that” (carrying gear makes you hot at the end of the day, and I need to get home before Domino’s shuts…)

 

* most people I don’t mind saying goodbye to, but that’s usually because we established the method of bye-ness right from the start.