I’m not sure why, but I think it’s the uncertainty of it all. If i just wave from a distance shouting “BYE!” whilst running in the opposite direction, does that look rude? You never know whether someone is going for the handshake, the wave, or the kiss. Or the worst thing ever: THE DOUBLE KISS. Just as you’re pulling away thinking “that went better than expected” they go in for another one on the other side, but you’re too far away now, and you’re not too sure whether you should move in again, or carry on the abort mission status you’re currently in. Then you end up in the awkward half hug situation that no one wants to be in.

I did have one non-work situation where a drunk person tried to conveniently ’miss’ my face and go for the full on face attack. This let me to the defensive “hands up in front” position (both hands in front of chest, palms out ladies), which allows a shove if necessary.  This unfortunately carried on into my professional life and led me to accidentally grab the man boob of a chef we were working with once, but that was his fault for going in for THE DOUBLE KISS. But he was french (and still is.)

In short you have to get up really close to someone you probably only met that morning. And it’s weird. I try my best to go for Hug-Only, as I think this is a great in between close, but not too close to my face for me to feel comfortable. And if I’m not in the mood I go for the blunt “I’m going to wave at you instead of sweating on you, and you should be grateful for that” (carrying gear makes you hot at the end of the day, and I need to get home before Domino’s shuts…)

* most people I don’t mind saying goodbye to, but that’s usually because we established the method of bye-ness right from the start.

There is nothing wrong with the incredible and vast 3D titles of films such as Transformers or SpiderMan, in fact I would cut my right arm off to work on such things, but it has been a long time since I saw something that really told a story. Every day I see amazing examples of animated typography like the recent End Titles for X-Men, First Class created by Prologue, a company which is run in part by a hero of mine. Those of you that have heard one of my plentiful, previous, drunken rants on this subject will know that I adore the work of Kyle Cooper. My main issue with the X-Men titles however boils down to one key factor. The words”END” titles.

What made the work of Cooper special was his ability to tell an entire backstory in just a few minutes. A process which hadn’t really been seen since the work of Soul Bass. The 90′s Cooper title sequences were almost a short film in their own right, and would entrap the viewer’s attention instantly in order to prepare them both visually and mentally for the film to follow. These days, people are either still talking from the trailers (grrrrr I hate those people), or they are happy just to accept a swish fly through of a heavily textured extruded 3D logo with a fancy Matte Painting as the backdrop. Don’t get me wrong, these are visually stunning but as a graphic designer I am always left sad that there was no perfect use of a vintage script, or beautifully Kerned Futura, transitioning before by eyes, integrated with some beutufully edited macro shots, powered along by some envigorating music. Thats what gets me ready for a film. And to be honest, just as was the case with the remake of Dawn of the Dead, the rest of the film can be a piece of junk and I will still go home happy from that first 3 minutes alone.

My new years resolution is to finally make a short film of my own, just so that I can bring back a style that should never have been forgotten. If the Hipsters (aka D*ckHeads) of the trendy east end streets of Dalston can bring back the awful fashion of the 90′s era, then I should be more than welcome to try to even get close to the genius that is Kyle Cooper’s 1995 title sequence for David Fincher’s Se7en.

I have to go somewhere different all the time?

There’s nowhere to park?

Who are these people?

You want me to work 8am to 12am? Are you mental?

I don’t know what that flashy light means.

Once I got over the shock it was actually alright. Three large-ish cases in the car and off I go. Set up the camera, set myself up and sit down.

Except the usual problems, usually caused by the fear and loathing of “The new camera”

Why is that button there? It should be on the other side!!!

Well if I had designed it, I would be able to take on board your comment. But I didn’t so don’t moan to me.

I hate this camera. I’d rather use xxxxxxx

You know, I’m not personally offended that you don’t like the camera. It’s not mine. I didn’t design it. All I know is I have work for the whole month, and you don’t know when you’re next job is.

So you’re the camera assistant right?

No.

Well I’m going to treat you like one ok?

No.

Pass me xxx

Yeah, I’ve got things to do, like, what I’m paid to do? If I had time to be your assistant I wouldn’t have a job. Unless it’s being a stand in for a ten year old, because apparently I’m the right height for that…

Camera’s broken! I knew we should have used film!

Well it may be because you’ve pointed a huge firey hot light at it, then thrown a coat over it to “stop it from burning” meaning the fans couldn’t work. I’m quite sure a film camera wouldn’t haven’t been any better .

The camera would stop working, but that’s when I flew into action, fixing the problem, showing up the naysayers and feeling important. Then back to sitting down with a cup of tea.

I digress. It was fun. But then it got all serious. No longer would I set up my laptop on a box and sit hunched over it for 12 hours, round the back of the set where I could get away with a snooze and maybe some online shopping. There were vans I set up in, trolleys I sat at. The camera stopped breaking. People liked the camera, were impressed by the trolley and all of the wonderful things I had to remember how to set up each time. I had not one blue progress bar, but many. And the boxes of gear. So many boxes.

I still miss it a bit, but not dragging the trolley back up the ramps into the van. It was like pushing a fat man on rollerskates up a hill. At some point you’re going to loose all strength and he’s going to roll back on top of you and kill you. And I didn’t want to die by “£2000 Dreamcolor professional grading monitor” to the face so I had to give it up….and now I run TinyDog

PS Thanks Jeff Brown for everything you have done for me over the years x

Charlie, Lily and myself spent the week down in Kernow with the team creating there first set of product videos. Charlie has known about Finisterre for a while and has done a bit of testing of their products out on shoots, but Lily and I had no idea how brilliant the product was until we got to try it. The first thing that amazed us was there waterproofs. Ernie took us outside with there Anabatic Mkii jacket with a glass of water in the other hand. He literally dumped the water on the jacket and it simply ran off. No wet patches like every other waterproof I have had, the water just fell off. Check out the video below if you don’t believe me….

These guys are seriously passionate about making a seriously good product. I could go into lots of details about all the items I have bought or tried, but I would much rather you check our there awesome new website and buy some for yourself. Trust me, you won’t be disappointed.

Finisterre don’t only spend time making products, they work within the community. We were lucky enough to head down to Lusty Glaze beach to film the Yoga Rocks event that Debbs had organized. It was so nice to see a community come together and exercise like that, check out the video below and you will see what I mean.

I honestly could go on for hours about these chaps. I haven’t even got started on how they saved a rare breed of sheep.

Anyway, to the guys at Finisterre, if you read this, thanks for keeping us Warm, Dry and Stoked on making videos for nice people. We cannot wait to see what the future brings for this lovely relationship we have forged from opposite ends of the south coast. Big Hugs!

Most days you will get up to three meals cooked for you. And at every single one you have a huge portion, and stockpile bread, biscuits, sometimes those little packets of sugar. There is an almost panic mentality of “I MAY NEVER EAT AGAIN!” all because once lunch was an hour late. Everyone forgets the biscuits in the morning and the finger sandwiches with tea in the afternoon (before another cooked meal for dinner).

I ate more on set than I would ever eat anywhere. Oh and I sat down ALL DAY. The only strain I was put upon was not nodding off after a particularly huge lunch*.

When you got offered a job, there was always the tentative “and where are we shooting?” not to see how much before 6am you had to get up, but whether they had good catering.

“You don’t eat bacon!?” - Generic Dinner Lady

Being vegetarian was always interesting. “You don’t eat bacon!?” No, I have a polystyrene cup of fried mushrooms and a pre-frozen and badly thawed croissant thankyouverymuch.

And lunchtimes. Ah lunch, you look forward to it all morning, after breakfast, biscuits, those tubs of nibbly things from Marks and Spencer, and six cups of instant coffee you wouldn’t drink anywhere else. When the rumour went round of what we were having for lunch, it was never the vegetarian option. But I always knew what it was:

BUTTERNUT SQUASH RISOTTO

I don’t know who did it first, but they probably thought it was really really clever of them. “Look people!” they said. “No longer will you have to suffer the indignity of Nut Roast!” Bloody bastard, whoever they were.

Please believe me when I say, four out of five times, it was bloody Butternut Squash Risotto. I like it, but not every. Bloody. Day. There was always that tiny bit of hope when I ascended the stairs (kitchens are always up a set of stairs for some reason) that it would be something else. And when it was, I was filled with such joy, as I didn’t have to make the decision to go with the risotto instead of the available MASSIVE  salad bar, because, let’s face it, salad won’t keep you going for the two hours until sandwich time, especially with only more M&S nibbly bits to keep you going….

*(I joke of course, I had quite a stressful job at the time which nearly caused me several caffeine induced heart attacks).

Them: So, can they put my head on a different body, cause I’m pulling a face in that one, so they can, like, put on my head from another take, and put it on that one,  because my tits look really good in that one.

Me: Errr, I don’t think they’re going to do that..

Them: But I’m pulling a face in that one

Me: It’s paused, your face isn’t like that for the whole take…

Them: I’m going to do that one again

Me: …..

I stopped showing her takes after that.

It’s like the mafia. Once you’re in – your in. There’s no getting out - Kelly Slater

One year later, I had a car and I was off. Every other weekend, every school holiday, I was down in the south west. I don’t think there is an ‘F’ reg Fiesta 1.1 in the whole world that has covered so many miles in such a little amount of time. Yes, you guessed it, I live right on the other side of the UK in Kent. Quite possibly the worst coast for surfing in the UK. Don’t get me wrong, Joss Bay has its days as well as a few secret spots that only myself, Charlie Chambers and some seabirds know about, but its generally pretty pants. So when the opportunity arose to live and study in cornwall I took it and never looked back.

Now I find myself stuck back South and East again. But I have found a new passion Film. And the best thing is, Film pays for me to go surfing. All I have to do now is make that jump into making films about surfing and I think my life will be complete!